Absolutely True

Richard Gwatidzo of Baltimore can thank the screw-ups at FedEx for his recent arrest...or the dumbass in Florida that decided to FedEx him 600 pounds of weed.

After four boxes containing 200 pounds of pot showed up at the wrong address, the person at that wrong address called the cops. The cops then set up a sting operation and posed as FedEx agents and busted Gwatidzo when they pretended to be delivering the other 400 pounds of mary jane.

In Amsterdam, fifteen camels, two zebras and a few llamas and pot-bellied pigs made a daring escape from a traveling circus this week. The animals were all rounded up and accounted for, but the police say that they believe a giraffe was the ringleader in the breakout. The giraffe apparently kicked open a pen containing the animals and allowed them to make their bid for freedom.

Who knew there was so much money in body parts? Apparently Michael Mastromarino, the owner of Biotech Tissue Services did and was running a multi-million dollar conspiracy to steal body parts from corpses. Mastromarino reportedly even stole some "tissue" from the corpse of “Masterpiece Theatre” host Alistair Cooke.

On March 18 Mastromarino pleaded guilty to a charge of enterprise corruption, nine counts of reckless endangerment and four counts of body stealing and other charges. On Friday he was sentenced to 18 to 54 years in prison. Seven funeral home directors and three funeral homes were also involved in this icky plot.

A Michigan man has been charged with two felony assaults, assault and battery and resisting arrest after an incident involving a fork, his mother, a frozen chicken and two other women.

Frederick McKaney, 40, showed up at his mother's house and demanded money from her. When she refused to give her 40 YEAR OLD SON any money, he reportedly stabbed her in the neck with a fork and pedaled off on his bicycle.

Apparently still fuming because his mommy wouldn't give his grown ass any money, McKaney saw two women on the sidewalk talking and allegedly said something nasty to them before hitting one of them on the head with a frozen chicken.

The woman had to go to the hospital for stitches in her head after being hit with the frozen bird. McKaney's mother suffered minor injuries from being stabbed with the fork, but apparently will recover.

In DeLand, Florida, another stupid criminal tried to rob a store by threatening the clerk with a palm frond while saying "Give me 50 dollar, give me 50 dollar." He was also waving around a pair of flip flop sandals.

A customer in the store used a bar stool to force the guy out of the store. Police caught the idiot and he will face armed robbery charges.

On a side note, I was cutting back some Spanish Bayonet Yucca in my yard this weekend and if those palm fronds are anything like that, then they are no joking matter. I got stabbed multiple times accidentally and as you can imagine, it felt NOT GOOD. The leaves off of that plant could very well be a deadly weapon - but I'm not planning on robbing a store for "50 dollar."

I have no idea where these came from, other than the fact that my friend Jo-Ann sent them to me in an e-mail. So while I'd love to give credit where it is due to the person who rounded these up, I have no idea who that would be.

Here are some great bathroom signs from around the world:

Here is video evidence of why you should buy your girlfriend a Wii Fit. The thing here is that it's fun for the girls and the guys:

However, some people have boyfriends who want to play Wii Fit. So, should you buy your boyfriend a Wii Fit?

This video is not as favorable as the one above... Do you really want to walk in and see this going on?

A pervert in Australia was recently caught red-handed after stalking a woman and sending lewd videos of himself masturbating to her cell phone.

While the woman was at the police station making a report about this pervert, a new video arrived and she was able to show it to the police while she was there. The video was enough evidence for them to arrest the perv-stalker.

Benjamin Baker was convicted and fined $3,000 for his disturbing behavior. Congrats are in order as well, as Baker prompted me to finally create a 'Stupid Criminals' category here at Absolutely True, which I expect will become full of idiots fairly quickly.

Some students from Toronto were a bit ruffled recently when a wild turkey boarded their school bus. The bird didn't use the door, he came in through a window... A closed window.

The turkey flew into the side of the school bus and came crashing through the window, ending up in the aisle. One student was taken to the hospital because some of the broken glass landed on her. She's fine.. and get this.. so is the turkey!

The driver stopped the bus, opened the door and the turkey exited the bus and calmly walked away.

A woman dressed up like a bumblebee attended a friend's bachelorette party and ended up giving birth at the end of the night - and she didn't know she was pregnant!

After partying in several bars and clubs with the group in Blackpool, Ally Ashwell went back to her hotel room and much to her own surprise, gave birth to a tiny baby in the bathroom.

The baby boy weighed only 2 pounds and was rushed to the hospital after paramedics arrived and resuscitated him. He's in intensive care, but said to be growing stronger each day. He was born at only 26 weeks gestation and it's a miracle that he survived.