How To Get Rich, Method Number 53,764

Freeze-Dry Me 

I am so freakin clever it scares me. You know how sometimes you just get soooo tired of all the crap ? You're struggling to make ends meet ? You hate the state of the world and all the assholes running it ? Your girlfriends dumped you and your cats just pooped on the floor ? And thats on a good day. You got nothing to look forward to except the same old, same old. Well I come up with a solution. I'm gonna get freeze-dried ! 

I was eating a tasty Batchelors Cup-a-Soup the other night. It may have been chicken and vegetable, or maybe it was lentil, but anyways it struck me what a miracle it was. You tip this brownish pooey dust into a cup, pour on boiling water, and hey presto you got a steaming cup of chicken soup with vegetables and croutons. Bloody amazing ! And while I was sipping at this mouth-watering miracle it came to me in a flash of pure (if I say so myself) genius that this could be the answer to all my problems. I get myself freeze-dried. Of course thats just the bold outline concept. Sure, there are a few details to work out but I don't honestly see how this one can fail. I need to rustle up some kinda powerful vacuum cleaner thingy that can suck all of my water content out. How hard can that be ? I read somewhere that the human body is about 70 or 80% water (and hell I drink a lotta beer and mines probably more) so one really good suck and all there'd be's a little pile of me-dust. Which is where my good buddy who runs Absolutely True comes in (and man she better not sneeze) because she needs to scoop up the dust real fast and seal me right into some kind of little foil packet. Thats all there is to it. Job done ! 

But oh man heres where the true genius lies. Before we do the big sucky thing, I'm gonna turn out my pockets and look down the back of the couch and I'm gonna take all my loose change down to the bank and open up a deposit account. Even at the piss-poor rates of interest us little savers get, that suckers going to make me into a multi-millionaire over the thousand or so years I plan on being freeze dried. Comes the year 3007, some old flunky at the bank is gonna take the little foil packet out of my safe-deposit box, rip it open and tip the me-dust onto a seat. He's gonna pour a jugful of water over it and watch google-eyed as I'm re-constituted right there before his very eyes. That'll be me, sittin' there large as life but several million dollars richer. So the plan is I stroll out into the world of the future richer than a very rich thing, buy a castle or a tropical island somewhere, have maybe a full-body transplant ('cos by then they'll be able to do stuff like that) and just kick back and live like a king. 

Its got to be worth a try, right ? I mean, whats the worst that can happen ?