Fowl Sentence For Men Chasing Tail
In Ohio, three men avoided being sentenced to jail for soliciting sex from an undercover police officer by taking a deal from the judge.
The judge, instead of ordering them to spend time in jail, ordered the men to take turns wearing a bright yellow chicken costume on Friday evening outside the courthouse while holding a sign that reads "No Chicken Ranch in Painesville"
This judge obviously has a sense of humor. Once he ordered a man who had called a policeman a pig to stand next to a live pig while holding a sign that said "This is not a police officer." – Well, it is kind of hard to tell…
He also ordered a couple who had stolen a baby Jesus statue to dress as Joseph and Mary and walk around with a donkey.
Crooks Are Stupid – Check Cashing Edition
Ok, this is SO incredibly stupid, yet so incredibly true. I tell you, I'm not inventive enough to make these things up.. so here's what happened:
A tree pruner named Darryl Connor wanted to branch out and make some extra money. So he tried check fraud.
The problem was, when he stole the checks and used them for cash and alcohol he wrote his own name, address and telephone number on the back of them.
This criminal mastermind got away with $900 in cash and $152 in liquor during a 5 day spree before being arrested.
Connor told the police he knew it was illegal to use the stolen checks that a friend had given him, but at the time it seemed like a good idea.
He was convicted on eight counts of check fraud, 2 counts of attempted check fraud and one count of receiving. He will be sentenced on September 6 after a drug and alcohol assessment.
Watch Out For This Scam!
I don't know how many of you shop at Wal-Mart, but I wanted to warn you that I became a victim of a scam there. Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good looking cowboy-type guys come over to your car as you are loading your purchases. They are both shirtless and start wiping your windshield with a rag and windex using their highly defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs.
It's impossible not to look. When you offer them a tip, they say "No" and ask you to drive them to another store.
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way they start talking dirty about what they want to do to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you.
While this is going on the other guy steals your purse!
I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow.
Lindsay Lohan Says She Is Innocent
There comes a time in every celebutard's life when their lawyer needs to tell them to shut up. This is Lindsay Lohan's time.
Today an email she sent to Access Hollywood was made public in which she says "Yes. I am innocent…did not do drugs they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin's mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy."
Ok, there are several problems, other than the obvious grammar and punctuation problems, with her statement. Where do we start….
"I am innocent" – Ok, Lindsay, you were caught and you blew a .12 and a .13. Your license was suspended. How did you get to the parking lot with your car if you didn't drive there?
"did not do drugs they're not mine" – I am sure everyone who is arrested with cocaine in their pocket says it's not theirs. That's not exactly a legal argument. And furthermore… Lindsay, Lindsay, LINDSAY! Did you just admit that you DID have cocaine on you? Please shut up.
"I was almost hit by Tarin's mom" – Ok, was this while you were driving on your suspended license Lindsay? Again, please shut up. I'm sure you were read your Miranda Rights, use them!
OK – Will They or Won t They?
It's all over the news and tabloids that Britney Spears recent interview and photo shoot with OK Magazine was a total disaster.
After arriving three hours late, Britney bolted before the shoot was finished – but not before complaining that her clothes for the shoot weren't sexy enough, tight enough or short enough and using her dress as a napkin while she was eating fried chicken.
She also brought her new puppy new untrained puppy to the photo shoot and when the dog pooped on a $6,700 designer dress Britney just sat back and watched. She and her assistant had to be asked to clean it up. What was the dress doing on the floor anyway?
Spears also went to the bathroom multiple times during the photo shoot and left the bathroom door open while she relieved herself.
In the end Britney took off early with $14,000 worth of borrowed clothing.
TMZ had reported that OK Magazine was going to print the photos but today OK publicist said that the pictures didn't go to print because they weren't up to standards.
Keep That Cat Away From Me!
In Rhode Island a resident hospice cat seems to have an uncanny ability. Oscar knows when residents are about to die and gives them a little cuddle on the way out.
Since they have noticed the trend of Oscar curling up next to someone and then they die, the nursing home employees have started calling family members after they notice Oscar with a patient.
Oscar the cat is two years old and has grown up on a third floor dementia unit that cares for patients with Parkinson's Disease, Alzheimers and other illnesses.
About six months after Oscar's arrival, the staff noticed the cat making rounds and visiting patients, just like a doctor.  After observing some patients and giving them a good sniff he decides to sit with them. Generally after Oscar sits with them they die within a few hours.
Staff at the facility say Oscar is not a very friendly cat. He's very professional and businesslike.Â
The patients are generally not alert enough to know that Oscar is even there, so there is not a situation of Oscar causing panic among the residents.
If Oscar is put outside of a room while a patient dies, he paces back and forth and meows to let everyone know how unhappy he is to be displaced.
My Nuts Itch.. Will You Scratch Them For Me?
This has got to be one of the funniest arrest videos I have seen….
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Americas Got Talent Reminder
Ok guys, Vote For The Worst is on board and we're going to be hammering the voting for BOY SHAKIRA tonight. Don't forget to cast your votes too! NBC.com has voting information as does votefortheworst.com
Let's get this one done!
Holy Schmoley Lindsay Lohan – ANOTHER DUI?
The girl will never learn! Last night Lindsay Lohan was busted again for DUI and possession of cocaine. She was driving under suspension from her last DUI… did we not learn anything at all from Paris Hilton???
Well, TMZ reports that she now faces some serious jail time for these new offenses. But where is Lindsay Lohan now?
Oh, she's in rehab.
WHAT? Look, I know she needs help. I know alcoholism is a disease. But being a rich, spoiled BRAT is not a disease.
If I got a DUI and then while driving under suspension got ANOTHER DUI with cocaine possession.. where do you think I would be? Not here chatting with you on AbsolutelyTrue, I grant you that. I probably wouldn't be able to come up with a paltry $25,000 bail so my butt would be IN JAIL… which is where Lindsay Lohan belongs. She can get treatment while in jail, isn't that what Paris did? Fluffy jail hospital?Â
Monorail Cat Delayed Due To US Intervention
I love this lol cat! The caption is so funny…
