Too Realistic!
Don't be too realistic with your costumes tonight!
A man in Germany fell asleep on a train yesterday. It normally wouldn't have been a cause for alarm, except that the man was returning home from a Halloween party and his costume was a little too real looking.
He was dressed as a gory zombie, and other people on the train mistakenly thought he was a murder victim and called the police. They had tried to wake him up, but after having a bit of drunken fun at the party, he was out cold and the other passengers thought he was dead.
Luckily he did wake up before being taken on to the morgue. After the first aid team and police arrived the guy woke up. They told him to remove his makeup and he was allowed to stay on the train and continue on home.
Thanks Jo-Ann for sending this story to me!
Top 8 Morons of 2007 (So Far)
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, during which the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kiwi Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition: The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER…THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE .
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
My Mom Has A Black Eye
She said she had never seen stars before, but when he hit her she saw them. I asked if little birds were circling her head too, and she said no. The bruising started almost immediately and I knew it was going to be bad. It's been over a week now and it's still black and yellow.
So, who hit her so hard and caused this blunt force trauma? I know that some people who see her think it was my Dad. And for those people, I have to tell you, use your brains for a minute. He's still breathing, therefore it could not have been him that hit her. There's no way I'd put up with that kind of crap.
It was Walter. He's 3.
He does this thing when he's tired. It's like he's afraid to be still because he thinks he might fall asleep. So he acts like.. well we call it a "jackleberry". I came up with jackleberry to avoid cursing in front of him, so that's what we call it. So he was being a jackleberry, or jackleberty, as he says it, and the back of his head connected with her face. Hard.
After it happened I quickly scooped him up and took him away from her. Far away. I know my Mom would never hit Walter, but something about being hit that hard just really makes you want to hit back. Believe me, I know. I've been on the receiving end of the blunt force trauma from the back of his head too, though never quite as bad as this.
So, I'm hoping her bruising will heal up and the rumors around town will quiet down. I'm tired of people giving my Dad dirty looks and wondering why, if he did that to my Mom, someone hasn't killed him yet. Or why he doesn't at least have similar bruising…or why he still has hair.
I once knew someone who had a black eye for about a year. I was actually there when he got it too, although I don't remember what happened vey well. It was the first date with a guy who I wound up dating for about 6 years. He picked me up at my house. I was upset because I had backed my Dad's Corvette into another car earlier that day and it was the second such accident I had caused in the car.Â
So, my Dad was furious, I was 17 and upset and Jason picked me up. As we left my neighborhood he handed me a single long stemmed rose and took his eyes off the road for long enough for him to miss a very important turn. We crashed in a big way and I was knocked out. His face hit the steering wheel and he kept that black eye for about a year. I hope my Mom heals up faster.
Walter's head can't be as hard as a steering wheel… can it? I hope he didn't cause as much damage as a motor vehicle accident.
It's a little bit sad now though, because we're all scared of him when he goes into jackleberry mode now. It used to be funny, now it's terrifying.
Get well soon Mom!
KKK vs. KKK in Alabama, Yee-Haw
This is ignorant, but amusing too. In Alabama, one Klan group plans to oppose another Klan group at an anti-immigration rally. It's idiots on parade, ya'll!
The bigot showdown will reportedly happen at the courthouse in Cullman, Alabama on November 10th. Maybe they'll all kill each other or something beneficial like that. We can only hope.
One of the groups has already gotten the necessary permit to gather outside the courthouse that day, now the other group will have to get their permit and it's on!
Remember This?
Remember "We Are The World"? It's so much fun to watch this now and realize that at one point in time these people had huge careers, Michael Jackson looked relatively good and Willie Nelson had brown hair! My favorite, both then and now, is hearing Bob Dylan sing "you and meeeee". It's awesome.
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Problems viewing the video? Just search "We Are The World" on YouTube and you'll see it.
No, You Can Not Name Your Bar Drunkensteins
In Tempe, Arizona, the City Council is trying to stop a Halloween themed bar from opening. The reason is simple, the bar owner wants to call the place " Drunkenstein's".
The City Council found out about the name because the owner, who had applied for a liquor license for a bar/restaurant named "The Haunted House", decided to blog about how funny it was going to be to have a bar named " Drunkenstein's". Kurt Havelock used the name "Head Noisician" on his blog and wrote that he was pretty sure that the City Council wouldn't approve the actual name above the bar which is " Drunkenstein's".
The City Council voted to reject his application, but the bar could still open. The council can only make a recommendation, the final decision rests with the Arizona Department of Liquor Licenses and Control who usually don't care about what the City Council has to say.
Leave SpongeBob Alone!
Leave Spongebob Alone!
A Chris Crocker parody 
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Britney, The Product of Great Parenting
Ok, ok, hold on while I stop laughing and I will tell you what this is about.
Ok. mmmph…..
Britney Spears' mother is going to write a parenting book.
Compose yourself. It's true. Since she did such a great job with Britney, I'd say she's qualified, right? Hahahaaaa… aaahhh.. ok, let me calm down again.
Lynne Spears will be writing a book about raising her family in the spotlight. The book, "Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World" will be released on Mother's Day 2008. How sweet. Gee, I hope it doesn't sell out before I can get my hands on a copy! (I'm being sarcastic, in case you didn't recognize it.)
I think the book should be called, "How To Raise A Normal Child To Be A Train Wreck". Seriously, wouldn't that be a more appropriate title? Britney was normal once, right?
Homeless Man Lounges Around In Lingerie At Store
At a Kohl's department store in Joplin, Missouri employees arrived one morning to find quite a surprise.
Having just woken up from a nap, a homeless man was walking around the store wearing pink women's lingerie. Police believe that he had spent at least part of the night inside the store.
When he was spotted by the Kohl's employees, he did not try to leave the store and the employees did not try to apprehend him. The police were called and came down to find the man in a pink camisole and panties sleeping under a blanket at the back of the store. He was then woken up and arrested for suspicion of burglary.
The man was taken to jail while still wearing the lingerie, which was worth $375.00. Kohl's doesn't want it back and clothes that actually belonged to the man could not be located in the store.
Police say that the man didn't try to break into the cash registers or anything like that, he just somehow got into the store and really got into some lingerie.
No Steroids Here!
