Would-Be Robber Not So Sharp
In Tennessee, a woman has tried to rob a convenience store using a Sharpie marker as a weapon.
Donna Faye Pectol had the Sharpie marker in her pocket when she entered the store and asked about some milk and if the store was hiring. She then made the clerk believe that she had a gun in her pocket by causing the Sharpie marker to point outward from inside her jacket. She was charged with attempted aggravated armed robbery as a result of this stupidity.
Luckily, Pectol was acting so weird while she was in the store, the clerk wrote down the tag number of her car before the "robbery" happened.
She demanded money but the store owner told her she didn't have any. There was a brief struggle and then the owner dialed 911 and Pectol ran to her car and sped off.
After being called about the robbery, police responded to the store and were given a description of Pectol and her car. They tracked her down at her home and took her into custody.
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Happy New Year everyone!Â
Simple Logic
Dance Dance Revolution
DUI Suspect Tasered For Biting Himself
In Ohio, Wayne Wykof has a little problem. He's been arrested for his 13th, count 'em 13th, DUI. Not only that, he seems a little crazy.
Just a little.
After he was arrested and taken down to the station, police officers shot him with the Taser because he was biting himself and refused to stop. Then he shredded some police documents that weren't intended for the shredder and he finished off his performance by flashing the arresting officers.
Oh, I guess he wasn't finished because he also spit in an officers face when they were putting him into a jail cell.
It was all very charming. He now will face about 10 years in jail if he's convicted of the DUI and he may also be charged with a felony charge of harassment with a bodily substance.
Harassment? I would figure spitting on someone to be assault, but what do I know. I'm not a lawyer.
This is also a landmark case because for once, no one is feeling sorry for a person who got Tasered. At least I'm not, does that count?
Some Strong Opinions About Bic Crystal
I have to admit, I tend to be pretty opinionated and I don't mind sharing my opinions on a wide array of things. But if you asked me about the last ink pen that I bought, or used, I probably wouldn't have a very strong opinion about it one way or the other. It's a pen. You put it to paper and it transfers the ink onto the paper so that you can record your thoughts, doodles or pertinent information.
Ok, so what do you think about the Bic Crystal ballpoint pen, medium point, black?
Do you care what other people think about this pen? Right, I didn't either. However, I do urge you, if you have a couple of minutes, to just take a look at the popular reviews of this pen. According to the reviewers, it's either the most amazing thing they have ever owned – or its ruined their lives.
I have no idea who the people are that wrote these reviews, but it seems pretty clear that they are having a good time with this product listing.
Have a look:
>The Bic Crystal ballpoint pen
RIP Mr Nut and Mr Cracker
A woman in Ohio is devastated that she has lost Mr. Nut and Mr. Cracker.
The two 6 foot nutcracker statues weighed 100 pounds each and were stolen from in front of her home and their mutilated bodies were later found. Mr. Nut was apparently dragged behind a car for a while, dismembered and left by the side of the road, while Mr. Cracker was burned at a second location.
Teenagers are suspected of the abduction and destruction of the nutcrackers.
Well, umm, yeah.
I can't say that I feel all that bad about this. Huge nutcracker dolls freak me out. They're weird and unattractive and if I were still a teen.. well.. let's just say I'm not.
I don't condone theft and I can understand the woman being upset and angry that her gigantic dolls were stolen. However, if I lived in her neighborhood I think I'd sleep easier knowing that they were gone.
Just So We Understand Each Other…
10 Ways To Avoid The Hangover!
'Tis the season. You know, the season for drinking too much and paying the hefty price for it the next morning. I don't mean waking up in a strange bed with someone after the beer goggles are gone, I am talking about the hangover that will have your skull in a vice and make you want to hit your toe with a hammer just to try to even out the pain.
But there is some good news. According to the National Headache Foundation and howstuffworks.com there are things you can do to avoid feeling like an awe got stuck between your eyes the night before.
1. It will apparently help to plan ahead a little bit and have a big greasy cheeseburger, donut or hotdog dripping with chili before you start doing the Jaeger shots. Foods that are high in fat will form a slimy lard coating on your intestines and will inhibit, or at least slow down the alcohol absorption process. So you'll get stupid a little slower.
2. A spoonful of honey makes the medicine go down, and also gives your body some fructose to help metabolize the alcohol you'll be chugging. It's also a good source of vitamin B6 and cellulite for your thighs. So if you have some honey on a cracker or toast either before or after the party, it might help you avoid wanting to kill yourself in the morning. If you'd rather not fatten up your thighs, have some tomato juice instead. It also has fructose, but possibly not quite as many calories as the honey.
3. The experts say to pace yourself and sip slowly on that Buttery Nipple and have a non-alcoholic drink in-between the liquor. Who are we kidding here? You're not going to do this, so skip to #4.
4. Try to order the mixed drinks that have fruit or vegetable juices in them. Have a Bloody Mary and get your tomato juice and liquor all at once!
5. Not that you'll listen to this either, but they say to skip the red wine and dark liquors like bourbon and tequila. The reasoning behind this is that the red wine and dark liquors have a higher percentage of congeners, which are a nasty little byproduct of the fermentation process that causes your head to throb. But, since I know you're going to eat the worm anyway, so let's move on.
6. According to the hangover prevention unit, having a cup of broth or a sports drink after drinking can help out. I know you probably don't carry a bouillon cube around with you, so just pick up some kind of sports drink when you stop at the 7-11. Sports drinks have the minerals and salts in them to counter the dehydration you'll have from drinking like a clown and sweating like you've gone 9 rounds with Lennox Lewis.
7. It's true. Have some caffeine when you wake up, it will help shrink down the blood vessels in your head that you decided to blow up and make balloon animals with at the party. You clown. Had to be
the life of the party, didn't you?
8. It's also helpful if you suck down some eggs and bananas when you wake up. Waffle House isn't that far, you can crawl down there and order something scrambled.
9. It's not true. The hair of the dog that bit you is not going to do anything except give you a hairball. Do not wake up and start drinking again unless you really can't deal with yourself and are just going to attempt to stay drunk. In that case, you and your friend Lindsay Lohan can just crack the seal on a new bottle of liquor as soon as you wake up and no one is going to say a word about it. However, if you'd like to help yourself back to the path of being a productive citizen, don't reach for another drink – at least until your body has a chance to purge all the toxins you put in it the night before.
10. Be the designated driver. Stay sober, get your friends home safely and you won't have to worry about any of this stuff because you won't have a nasty hangover to deal with.
Drink Responsibly folks ~ I want to see you around here after the party so I can make fun of you for being such an ass clown while you were wasted.
Useless Facts – Holiday Edition
• According to "Holidaye Feasts and Traditions", written by Dennis Gilbin of London, England in 1583, "mistletoe must be hunge noe more than 18 inches above the heads of the peoples in order for a man to be entitled to a kisse from a maiden." Boy, that guy couldn't spell, could he?
• Each year, approximately 8.9 percent of all Christmas trees erected in people's homes will fall over at least once, according to the group known as the Consortium of Superior Christmas Tree Stand Manufacturers. (and cat owners) Mine has almost fallen one time, so far. The angel has done a death dive off the top several times.
• Dairy farmers have long known that adding one part bovine urine to 25 parts fresh water and two parts maple syrup will generally extend the life of a Christmas Tree by as many as five days. Umm… who is in charge of collecting the cow pee?
• According to a 2002 survey by Gourmets of North America and Northern Europe, fewer than one in one hundred people have ever had a figgy pudding. I never have, and hope I never will.
• The most people ever to bungie jump while wearing a Santa Suit happened on Christmas Day, 1989 at Gravity Canyon, New Zealand, when 42 people dressed in red with white wigs and beards made a jump at the same time. These Santa groups are pretty wild. They recently trashed a movie theater.
• The average household in the United States used 16.72 square yards of wrapping paper for the various end-of-year holidays in 2005. If non-christian households are excluded the figure rises to 19.74 square yards. I'd say these estimates are low, especially considering how my house looked yesterday morning. Even 20 yards of paper couldn't make a mess of this magnitude.
• AAA estimates that due to online shopping the average American household's gasoline usage in the quest for gifts has declined 1.95 percent in each of the past five years. Considering that I hate holiday shoppers, if it were not for online shopping, it would be a pretty pitiful Christmas around here.
• Red gift-wrapping ribbon outsells all other colors combined. And?
• Americans will spend approximately $12.762 million having gifts inscribed with names and monograms in the 2007 holiday season.  This practice greatly cuts back on re-gifting, unless you know someone with the same name or initials.
• Despite all the automobile ads depicting people getting a car as a gift, the Automobile Dealers & Re-Sellers Association of America estimates that only 12,240 cars will be given as holiday gifts this year and well under half of those will truly be surprises. Good, since most car dealers are jerks, I'm glad they don't profit that much during the holidays.
Banker Cat
Oh no, after Christmas we needed a loan but Banker Cat said no way!
