I Can't Find My Digg Toolbar
Anyone know where I can download the Digg toolbar? I seem to have lost mine.
No One as Irish as O'Bama
Read a Book – NSFW
Women Drivers
We Just Touched Awkwardly
So, This Bird Walks Into a Store…
A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.
He waits until the shopkeeper isn’t looking, and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.
Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and shared by other birds.
The seagull’s shoplifting started early this month when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips. Since then, he’s become a regular. He always takes the same type of chips.
Customers have begun paying for the seagull’s stolen bags of chips because they think it’s so funny.
Thanks to Jo-Ann for sending this in!
Woman Steals Man’s Genitals
And I thought the theft of my string trimmer was bad! Imagine if someone had stolen my va-jayjay! I’d be REALLY mad then.
Anyway, in Nigeria (yeah, those crazy Nigerians ), a woman is accused of stealing a man’s genitals.
The woman, a ‘beer parlor’ owner – that’s a bar, right? – named Grace, was accused by her lover, Kingsley, of stealing his dangly bits. The pair had been dating for some time, and they spent 29 nights together before Kingsley went away to visit his family in another part of the country.
Well, while Kingsley was on vacation, he noticed that he started having problems with his weiner. He couldn’t get an erection and he feared that he was becoming impotent.
Kingsley considered suicide, but then decided it might be best to consult someone before he ended it all. He decided that spiritual intervention might help. He consulted several pastors about the problem with his schlong. None of the holy men could help him, so he decided to try conventional medicine for his shrunken dick.
When no doctors could help him, he decided it was time to blame it on Grace. Grace denied that she had done anything to steal his hard ons and swore under oath that she didn’t take his ding dong away from him during their lovemaking.
Kingsley said that Grace threatened him and told him that he would never be able to dip his stick again unless he played hide the salami with her one more time.
When he came back from visiting his family, he found that Grace had moved out and taken all of his stuff with her to her new residence. Kingsley found her, demanded that she return his belongings and his peter. Then he beat the living crap out of her.
Grace then went and reported Kingsley to the police for beating her up. The police called an herbalist and get this – the herbalist confirmed that Grace really had stolen Kingsley’s goober by using a mirror!
Grace was then forced to have sex with Kingsley so that he could regain the use of his meat whistle. Afterwards, they promised to bring in another woman for Kingsley to test his wang on, to make sure he had his mojo back.
Grace says that she may be evicted from her place of business and her home because this trouser snake stealing incident has tarnished her reputation so badly.
Poor Grace.
euphemisms used – at least 14.
Doubt this story is true? Here’s the source: http://allafrica.com/stories/200710150130.html
Definitely a difficult thing to understand… but there ya go.
Open Letter to the Burger King Girl
Dear Laminta,
When you take someone’s order at the drive through while you’re laughing and text messaging, chances are you can make some errors. When you read back the order and are corrected on every single item there’s no need to get nasty about it.
I ordered my burger with no pickles. I didn’t order extra saliva. As a matter of fact, you can hold the saliva all together. And if my milkshake is going to be half a cup of warm milk with cookies crumbled in it, I guess you can keep that too.
When you are handing the bag out the window, you really should make sure you have a good grip on it. Don’t just hold the edge and hope the bag doesn’t rip to shreds. I wonder how much food gets dumped out right there at the window because you don’t know how to handle a bag full of food. It’s odd really, because it is your job to handle bags full of food.
When the food does drop to the ground and spill out everywhere, please don’t ask me to open my car door to try to pick it up. I’m not going to do it and it’s just going to make you angry when I roll my eyes. Also don’t turn around and tell everyone you work with that I dropped the food. You know that *I* didn’t drop a mf-ing thing. Anyone can make a mistake, but blaming it on me is only going to make me angry.
Thanks for the new bag of food though. I really appreciate you acting as though it was charity. It’s great that at BK I can have it my way, all wrapped up and in a bag and stuff.
There’s no need for attitude when I ask if straws are in the bag. It’s a relevant question since I did order 4 drinks. If you tell me they are in the bag, could you please make sure that they are before I take the bag and check? It just irritates me when you lie. And it irritates you even more when I sit there and refuse to move until you give me straws.
Also, when you ask me if the kid’s meal is for a boy or a girl, and I say boy, please don’t make the mistake of putting a doll in the bag for him. Walter doesn’t really like dolls, he would prefer a car or one of the Transformers or a Simpson’s toy if you have it. I really wish you wouldn’t screw this up every time. It makes us really unhappy when we get home and realize Polly Pocket hitched a ride with us.
I think if you can take my suggestions we can have a much better time on my next visit. Assuming there is a next time.
Sincerely,
Gerri
Christian Bale Remix
Fatherhood
