Jessica Simpson Goes Full Retard
Posted by admin on September 15, 2009 · 11 Comments
I’m seriously offended by this degree of retardedness. So offended, in fact, that I had to stop what I was doing and post this.
While Patrick Swayze was dying and all members of pop culture were calling Kanye West a douchebag, Jessica Simpson had a little bit of drama of her own going on.
According to Jess’ tweets on Monday night, a coyote took her little dog, Daisy.
Here’s where the girl goes full retard. Access Hollywood reports that the Simpson family made a missing poster for Daisy. The picture of the dog is on the poster with an e-mail address – in case anyone has any information.
Bitch please. If a coyote took your dog right in front of your eyes – THERE IS NO MORE INFORMATION. Are you hoping a friendly coyote will lend a hand and pass the information to a friend who will then e-mail you about your dog?
Jessica, sorry you lost your dog but making a poster is not going to help. You’ve gone full retard. Now stop trying to steal Patrick Swayze’s death spotlight and take better care of your animals.
Look, I write satire and I have made fun of a lot of things, but this is the most tasteless article I have ever seen. Really? I know Simpson is a moron, but that’s no reason to make fun of something like this happening. And using “full retard” for this? Maybe she loved that dog? That’s probably more important than Kanye interrupting someone on television. Your article has shown even less tact than Kanye showed. Why not write some “real” stories instead of using movie lines to mask the fact that you have no actual talent.
Good for you, Shawn. You’ve also achieved full retard. Now go play in the street or something and keep an eye out for coyotes who might have information leading to the safe return of Jessica Simpson’s dog.
Yeah, and you have fun toiling in obscurity. Maybe a coyote will come and bring you some semblance of talent. Oh wait, Kanye is here and he wants you to know that he’s gonna let you finish that community college degree, right after you turn 13 and stop watching the VMA’s.
ROFL… Google me. I’ll wait.
“Look, I write satire” For Disney Shawn? Please never post any of you work. If something like “full retard” offends you, I can only imagine the Bobbsey Twin type of readers you have.
Don’t tell, but Jimmy Fallon just used a similar angle in his opening monologue. Truthy was there first!
lol… i was searching on yahoo and landed on this page! the post title made me laugh hehe “Jessica Simpson Goes Full Retard”
nice to read though..
thanks for posting!
I know this is a bit old, but that “Shawn Norris” guy (the first commenter) appeared to be an offended dog lover.
Full Retard? Not even mildly offensive, unless you’re Jessica Simpson. Now, if I was to say that all dog lovers are mentally retarded and secretly want to have sex with them, that would be a bit more offensive.
Hey good news everyone, I found Daisy ! ! !
Sadly, she’s been converted into a coyote turd.
Absolutely a very attractive woman is Jessica Simpson. So cool andamazing. I love her so much
The article is a bit mean. I guess you can’t blame her for posting an ad if she thought there was the slightest chance her dog could still be alive. I’d do the same. I hate bitchiness that is just bitchiness for the sake of it. You’re a good and funny writer, but you don’t need to pick on people to demonstrate that. there’s a line between funny satire and just plain BITCH.