15 Porn Parodies

porn parodies

Pornography holds a special place in the heart of your average red-blooded American male. With pop culture providing a constant stream of material just begging to be parodied, the porn industry has stepped up and accepted the challenge, spitting out spoofs faster than a grandmother knits socks. It’s probably a task that’s better left to the troupe of a sketch comedy show, but the porn industry has shown to be surprisingly resilient, even clever, in their pursuit of satire. No facet of society is beyond parody, no intellectual property safe from being turned into a smutty romp with buxom women. Without further ado, here are 15 porn parodies.

Pirates I & II

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Probably the most recognizable name on the list, Pirates was released in 2005 with a ton of fanfare. Parodying the blockbuster hit Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, XXX Pirates broke all previous records for budgets in the adult film world, costing a reported one million dollars to produce. That historic budget paid off as Pirates was the Titanic of the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards, winning 11: Best Video Feature, DVD, Director, Actor, Actress, Music, Special Effects, Supporting Actor, Online Marketing Campaign and most importantly, All-Girl Sex Scene. An “R” rated version was released in 2006, but didn’t have enough T&A or bad acting to succeed. Because of the first film’s success and America going gaga over pirates in general (naked or not) a sequel, Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge was released in 2008. Unfortunately for the Disney Pirates franchise, Kira Knightly’s lack of booty or chest makes XXX Pirates more pleasant for your eyes.

Penetrator I & II/ The Sperminator/ The Inseminator 2: Domination Day

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The Arnold Schwarzenegger accent is always ripe for mockery, and the robotic, emotionless endeavors of these sex machines mimics the robotic, emotionless sex/”acting” of the porn star. There is a certain irony there that cannot be ignored. The Penetrator I & II are the gems out of all these Terminator spoofs, going above and beyond most porn parodies, and staying about as true to the plot of the original movies as can be expected, just with added penetrating, sperminating, and inseminating.

Batman XXX

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Let’s begin by agreeing that Batman kicks Superman’s ass every time, no questions asked. Now that’s out of the way, this is not the new, sleek, Christian Bale Batman of the last few summers. This movie is a throwback spoof to the days when crazy Adam West ruled as Batman. A surprisingly high budget affair, it seems that the attempt to recreate the old campy Batman vibe was achieved with great success, from the original Batmobile to the corny sound effects for punches. Let’s hope that is none of that weird homoeroticism between Batman and Robin that plagued the original series is present. Also, imagine how cool it would be for Batman to give Catwoman one good “POW!” right in the kisser.

Nutbusters

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“Bustin’ makes me feel good!” That’s a line from the original Ghostbusters theme song, no parody or embellishment needed. It’s like the songwriters of that unforgettable jingle knew what was in store for the franchise before anyone else. Released in 1984, Ghostbusters was an instant classic spawning sequels, a Saturday morning cartoon, action figures, and — you guessed it — porn. Upon closer observation, this satire makes a lot of sense: Ghostbusters (I & II) and Nutbusters both contain tons of slime and gross ooze, just used in different ways.

The Whores Have Eyes

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It becomes painfully clear when whoever is in charge of making up titles for these spoofs has lost complete interest and decided to mail it in. Hopefully, the whores also have ears, noses, and most importantly, mouths. You have to wonder what you’re getting yourself into when the title of a movie is trying to impart the importance of the main characters having all their facial features. Originally released in 1977 and then later in 2006, The Hills Have Eyes is a story of a deranged, mutated family who lives in the desert and assaults any travelers who happen upon them. It’s the same story with The Whores, apart from the fact that they’re vaginally assaulting the travelers, who surely don’t mind as long as there is no mutant rape scene like in the real version of The Hills Have Eyes.

Ass Ventura: Crack Detective

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Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, starring Jim Carey as Ace Ventura is the story of an animal loving pet detective who is searching for a kidnapped dolphin. Known for his catchy lines “Allll Righty Then!” and “Like a Glove…” Ace solves cases with moxie and occasional help from animal friends. Assford “Ass” Ventura searches for Fanny, the wife of the Mayor of Los Angeles, and is strictly interested in, well, ass. He solves his cases with dick and no help from anyone. Don’t worry; unlike Ace Ventura this film features no animals or animal lovers, so there is no chance of things getting weird.

Black Snake Boned!

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Already blessed with a title fit for a porno movie, Black Snake Moan is the story of a white nymphomaniac held captive by a black farmer after he finds her beaten and left for dead. After discovering what a whore she is, the farmer, played by Samuel L. Jackson, decides to chain her to a radiator and keep her until she changes her sinful behavior. It’s a plot that’s porn ready, with it’s elements of bondage, interracial tension and sexually charged atmosphere. The best interracial themed porn movie parody since “White Men Cant Hump”, the only way it could have been better is if it actually starred Sam L. himself.

Horat

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Cultural learning in America takes a sultry twist in this spoof of Sascha Baron Cohen’s Borat. It’s modeled after the super ignorant, always funny Borat, who, in search of cultural learning and the love of Pam Anderson, leaves his backwards country of Kazakhstan and travels to America. Horat leaves his sex crazed country of Kaksucistan to explore the ways of the West’s sexual culture. Both journey’s are riddled with awkward experiences caused by cultural differences: Horat is more fortunate than Borat in the sense that he is assailed on all sides by pussy, while the closest Borat gets to any vagina is when he is nose deep in a fat guy’s hairy taint.

Crocodile Blondee

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Australia is a crazy country, initially created as some kind of super-jail to hold England’s unwanted criminals. Today, it has turned into a nation of insane outdoorsmen. Crocodile Dundee can be credited with really beginning the Australian obsession that swept America in the mid-80’s. Quicker than you can say “G’day”, there was a porn spoof on its way even before a sequel of the original was produced. Crocodile Blondee is a vintage porn and is about as good as Marmite (a meat substitute made with yeast), which isn’t saying much. But, if you’re a fan of vintage porn, this has all your favorites: from grainy film quality to Amber Lynn and Randy Spears.

The Sexorcist

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Taking one of the scariest movies of a generation and turning it into porn is no easy task; just ask the makers of The Sexorcist. Probably most famous for the scene where the possessed Linda Blair’s head does a complete 360-degree spin on her shoulders, the gratuitous amounts of vomit and her masturbating with a cross as she screams “Fuck me”, The Exorcist set a new standard for horror. The Sexorcist should be so lucky, unfortunately it seems to be trending in the opposite direction, showing us what not to do with a porn spoof. Maybe if they had included the gratuitous vomit and defacing of the cross they could have at least appealed to the “freak” demographic.

Texas Dildo Masquerade

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Replace “Chainsaw” with “Dildo” and “sacre” with “querade” and you have the aptly named “Texas Dildo Masquerade”. Instead of the 1970’s horror classic with psycho, chainsaw-wielding Leatherface you are presented with psycho, dildo-wielding Pussyface (of course). His weapon of choice is, you guessed it, a chainsaw dildo, which he proceeds to use on the hapless pornstars. Luckily for the audience, this is not the worst “Chainsaw Massacre” offshoot — that dubious honor goes to the retarded “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation” starring Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey. “Texas Dildo Masquerade” has better acting, plot, soundtrack and far more continuity. Check both out; they’ll blow your mind.

Girlz in the Hood

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A gritty look at the life of inner city African-American youths takes a sexy turn in this parody. Based on John Singleton’s influential film that shines a light on the struggles of the young black man, “Girlz in the Hood” essentially replaces the “Boyz” with “Girlz” and gang bangin’ with gangbanging. While race relations will always be a hot button issue in this country, It’s funny and a little ironic to take a film with so much social significance and degrade it in such a way. It could have been worse though — think “Schindler’s Dick” or something along those lines.

A Midsummer Nights Cream

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This is where we begin to realize that nothing and no one is safe. Even William Shakespeare can and will be dragged into the porn arena. This comedy revolves around 2 couples that get lost in the woods, and through the mischief of fairies, fall in love with each other — only the wrong way around. The opportunity for amazing wild group sex abounds, but the possibility of awkward prose is present too. “Me thinks thou must insert the rod of love betwixt my feminine soul and plunge the depths of my whispering eye” is kind of gross and not really sexy at all… Unless you L.A.R.P. a lot. Check out the Hamlet porno; it’s way more fun.

Spankenstien

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Mary Shelley’s classic, Frankenstein, has been twisted into Spankenstien, a monster who’s tragically misunderstood and whose only purpose in life is to spank. Luckily, the deranged doctor who created him gave him just the tool to carryout these spankings in the form of comically large hands that he uses to pulverize the bottoms of townswomen.

A Clockwork Orgy

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To neglect and not take advantage of the amazing good fortune that this title presents for crude wordplay is a crime against humanity. A Cockwork Orgy would have been far more clever, and they were so close. This is right up there with a failure to recognize other great titles such as “Acockalypse Now” and “There’s Something in Mary”. With a desire to do justice to a Stanley Kubrick classic, and elaborate on that unforgettable rape scene, this porn also attempts to parody the style of film, not just use the plot for interesting situational sex scenes

Edward Penishands

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If you don’t think this is the best title on this list, you should probably get your sense of humor checked out. Not because it’s especially clever — it’s clear that whoever thought it up wasn’t really trying. It’s so funny mainly because of the overall concept and the mental image it promotes. The man has hands made out of genitals! Imagine someone waving to you with a hand made out of flaccid penises and yelling “Yoo-Hoo” and try not to laugh — it’s impossible. Of course Edward Penishands isn’t really about waving to people so much as he’s using those terrible digits to penetrate the inhabitants of the small suburb he’s brought to after meeting a door-to-door dildo salesman. You can’t make this stuff up.

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Comments

One Response to “15 Porn Parodies”
  1. adulToybox says:

    Great article! I find the titles and covers are comical alone. There is also a plethora of new parody’s to date i.e. Celebrity apprentice, Jersey Shore, This Ain’t Cheaters, This Aint Glee, Breakfast Club, Scrubs, This Ain’t Two & a Half Men , This Ain’t Avatar… That is If you are interested in posting new material on the same topic. Either way, thank you for the giggles and insight!

    Cheers,

    adulToybox

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