Britney Spears On VMA

Ok, the MTV VMA (Video Music Awards – for those who live under a rock) show is on now.  I just watched the painful first 8 minutes, and I'm here to give you the rundown.  I would say highlights, but sadly there aren't any.

Of course, Britney Spears opened the show, as was widely anticipated.  She was wearing a body stocking up to her bra.. and I feel a little bad saying this but she looked chunky and had a very visible double chin.  She's way too heavy to be parading around in a bra and boy shorts, no matter how sparkly they are.

This was supposed to be her comeback performance and that is very sad for her.

She looked scared to death, lip-synched badly, was the worst dancer on the stage and was stiff, stiff, STIFF.  I'm sorry, but groping and being groped doesn't count as talent.  There were some marginally talented dancers on the stage, but Britney Spears wasn't one of them.  It was a trainwreck, but we've come to expect that from Britney.

What was all this about Criss Angel?  I had high hopes that at some point she was going to vanish off stage, or that there was going to be some kind of magical illusion.  I thought they said that's why she was spending the night with him all those times <naive me>.  There was nothing remotely magical about this performance.

Ok, so after Brit almost fell exiting the stage, Sarah Silverman came on and embarrassed herself almost as much as Britney.  She opened with Britney jokes.. calling Brit's kids "the cutest mistakes", and then it went downhill from there.  I don't want to get into the mechanics of the birth of Britney's kids here, but they did not come from her hairless vagina.

It was so embarrassing when they panned the audience during Britney's awful performance and no one was even interested and then during Silverman's set when no one was really laughing, just tight smiles and reserved chuckles here and there.  Silverman apologized, well kind of apologized, to Paris Hilton, who was in the audience and the silence was more than a little uncomfortable.

So after Silverman's very un-funny set she exited the stage and I left the room.  I hope the show got better from there.  Maybe after watching two careers end during the first 8 minutes they brought on some talent.  I don't know.  Maybe I'll watch the rest later if I hear that something good happened. 

Paris Hilton Truly Punished

Paris Hilton has lost her 60 million dollar inheritance.  Now she's really been punished.

Her grandfather, the one with all the money, has decided that she gets nothing.  He's selling the company and giving the money to charity.  Good for you pops!

He is said to be tired of Paris Hilton's antics and embarassed that she has marred the Hilton name with her sex tape, DUI and 23 day jail sentence last month.

Poor Paris.  No, literally, poor Paris.

——————-

Update:  TMZ is reporting that this widely reported news story about Paris Hilton is not true.  Who knows what to believe.    I shouldn't have really said 'Poor Paris' above because the girl still has more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime.  She's selling her house now, asking price is over $4 million and only pre-screened buyers can even make offers on it.  Word is it's way overpriced anyway.  I guess Paris hasn't heard of the housing market slump.. or more than likely it's not really an issue when you're talking homes worth millions.  I wonder who will buy Paris' tacky pink palace?

Well, Well, Well.. Look Who Is Out Of Jail

Paris Hilton escaped was released from jail early this morning.  They say she served her 23 days.. ehh.. fuzzy math I say.  But anyway, she's out.

Paris is reportedly jubliant…and ready to cash in on the experience.  Larry King is interviewing her on Wednesday.  Gee.. I hope he doesn't ask any questions that are too hard.

Where do we place our wagers on how long it will take her to be up to the same ole' nonsense again?

And I ask you, once again, is Nicole Richey pregnant or not?

Paris Hilton To Be Released From Jail On Tuesday

Paris Hilton is scheduled to be released from jail on Tuesday.  Then she will be free to cash in on the experience with interviews and books and whatever the celebutard desires.

So she went in, what was it, the 5th?  She stayed a couple of days and then had the house arrest ordeal, then the twin towers hospital jail thing and then back to real jail to finish out her days. 

So from the 5th to the 26th… I'm not good at math.. how many days is that?  It's not 45 and I really don't see how it's 23 either, but I could be wrong.  Somehow days fly by faster and add up to more when you're behind bars I think.

So the paps are all poised and ready to snapy the hairy heiress as she exits the pokey on Tuesday.  I'm still shocked that no one has gotten a pic of her behind bars yet.  A photo of Paris in jail has got to be worth more than a jailers salary.  So come on guys, TRY HARDER.

Hiltons Receive Star Treatment At Prison

One law for the rich and another for the poor ?

The visit came less than a week after Paris Hilton was reassigned to house arrest days after being jailed for violating parole. The 26-year-old celebutard was later ordered back to jail to serve her sentence and has ended up in a plush medical facility in a room as big as a hotel room. Her parents visited her on Tuesday and breezed right up to the front of the line without waiting for hours as the common folk do.  It was of course, a media circus.

One visitor to the at the Twin Towers Correctional Facility waited more than 4 hours to visit her fiance and she blamed the Hiltons for the delay. Another visitor was hustled out of the jail's visiting room moments after her husband walked in because of the Hiltons appearance. She was told to come back after lunch.

Steve Whitmore, a sheriff's spokesman, said it was routine for high-profile inmates to receive visitors during lunch, a time when the visiting room is normally cleared out and closed. Yeah, ok.

The Hilton's jail visit came shortly after the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors ordered Sheriff Lee Baca to respond by next week to allegations of favoritism for reassigning Hilton to house arrest. At the time, Baca cited an undisclosed medical condition as the reason for making the decision. Hilton was sent to a medical ward, where sheriff's officials said it costs $1,109.78 a day to house a female inmate compared to $99.64 a day in the general population. Mary Tiedeman, who regularly visits the jails as a monitor for the ACLU, said the area where Hilton was being housed was usually reserved for high-security inmates or those worse off than Hilton has appeared. "I don't know what her health issue is, but you have got to have a pretty intense medical or mental health problem to be in that part of the jail," she said.

It's certainly obvious that Paris Hilton is a nutcase. 

On a side note, Barbara Walters thinks it would be fun to have her as a co-host on The View.  I'm not kidding.   Barbara Walters is just as crazy as the Hiltons. 

You Don't Have To Be Rich To Bookmark This Post 

Paris Will Not Appeal

TMZ is reporting tonight that Paris Hilton has released a statement saying blah blah blah blah, important lesson, blah blah blah, media, blah blah, I told my lawyers not to appeal blah blah blah I will serve my sentence .. blah blah blah Iraq.

Paris Hilton, The Yo-Yo

So, where to begin with this?  Today after all kinds of confusion deputies arrived at Paris Hilton's West Hollywood home, handcuffed her and put her in the police car to take her to court.  The judge wasn't amused that the media had widely reported that Paris was going to "appear" in court today by phone.  He ordered her to be picked up and brought to court and the sheriff's office said he had no right to do that.  Well in the end the judge got his way and Paris arrived at court a couple hours late.

The hearing took over an hour and the judge made it clear how unhappy he was with the decision of the sheriff's depatment to directly go against his previous order which specified no electronic monitoring, ie no house arrest for Hilton.  I mean honestly, sentencing her to live in her luxurious pad with no visitor or alcohol restrictions … what kind of punishment is that?  Paris reportedly sobbed during the hearing and screamed when the judge ordered her back to jail to finish out her sentence.  She tried to move towards her parents but guards grabbed her arms and moved her out of the courtroom.  She yelled out "Mom, Mom".  Her mom was also sobbing and got a hug from the dad Hilton.

So, Paris Hilton is back in jail and reportedly in the medical ward for her mental problems.  Word is that her mental state is deteriorating rapidly and that's why they put her on house arrest in the first place.  Well, I also heard that when she went to jail the first time on Sunday night she quit taking her prescription medication that could possibly keep her semi-sane during all of this.  Obviously boycotting her pills hasn't worked out too well for her so far.

I think it's all so ridiculous.  It had seemed that Paris Hilton has resigned herself to spending the 23 or so days in jail.  She turned herself in ready to serve her sentence.  Maybe I'm going soft on this now, but I do kind of feel sorry for her a little bit at the moment.  If they would have just kept her in jail she wouldn't have gotten her hopes up about the whole house arrest/ankle bracelet thing.  They let her go home.  As loopy as that was I think it was pretty cruel to drag her back out and make a media spectacle of her again and then throw her back in prison.  The whole thing today never should have happened because she never should have left jail to begin with!  Paris isn't the only one who's lost the plot.  The sheriff's department is to blame for all of this.  There was a motion to show cause, re: contempt against them today but it was dismissed.

Hilton's lawyers will be appealing today's ruling on Monday.  I don't look for it to go too well, but you never know.  I never thought I'd feel sorry for Paris but in some ways I do now, just a little bit.  I know she got herself into this mess and she has to pay the price for it, but did she deserve to become a yo-yo between the sheriff's department and the court?

Oh well, I've dispensed my pity for now.  Probably by tomorrow I'll be over it.  It won't take long for more stupidity to come along in this case to make me harden my heart again towards Paris Hilton.  I'm pretty sure about that.

After this whole fiasco is over we will have to deal with the Nicole Richey sentencing thing.  Or maybe the two dramas will overlap so as for no room for filler in the tabliods between the two.  Someone recently asked Lionel Richey if Nicole was pregnant… and he said he didn't know.  So that's another story waiting to unfold.  I'll rant about why stupid people shouldn't have children when the time comes.

Oh Pu-leeeze! Paris Released From Jail

I haven't been writing much about Paris Hilton in the last few days because frankly even I have been sick of hearing the blow-by-blow accounts from her full body cavity search to her razor free shower experiences.  It was jail!  That's what normally happens when a person goes to jail.. right?

Well I guess all of the sucking up Paris Hilton did while she was behind bars paid off.  Early this morning she was released from jail and "reassigned" to house arrest.  Reports are that she served 5 days but I only counted 3… but then again my math skills have never been all that good.

The "official" reason they are saying she was fitted with an ankle bracelet and put on house arrest was medical.  Apparently she was about to have a nervous breakdown behind bars and of course no one wanted that to happen.

Paris will be under house arrest for 40 days.  Now she will have 3,000 or 4,000 square feet to roam rather than the 90 square feet of a prison cell.  It's a bit less like a zoo at her home… I guess.  Now she can shave and wax to her heart's content and have body cavity searches from those she chooses. 

Paris Hilton Reports To Jail

So today reports are swirling around about Paris Hilton reporting to jail.  She turned herself in last night to serve her ultra-harsh :eye-roll: 45 day sentence, which will likely be around 23 days.

She issued a statement, basically saying she now realizes she's made some mistakes.  Hmm.. ya think?  Well Paris has 23 days to think it all over and ponder the mistakes she's made.  She'll do her deep thinking in solitary.  It is reported that she actually won't be spending her time with the cellmate that was hand picked for her, that she'll be bunking alone after all.  For 23 hours a day Paris will be in solitary and for one hour a day she may shower, talk on the phone or watch tv.

Oh, another thing I heard was that her hair extensions had to be removed.  It's standard procedure at the prison.  Ooooh I sure hope someone gets a picture.

UPDATE:

Oh snap.. TMZ has just reported that Paris did in fact get to keep her hair extensions.  Apparently extensions which are "tightly wound" are allowed in jail.  Thank goodness for good quality on the weave!

Pooping For Paris

Dedicate all your #2's to sending Paris Hilton to jail.  Buck is too funny!

[youtube]_h-DUe3o4j4[/youtube]

Next Page »