I See Dumb People

So, today I went to a store that should be more descriptively named Hell, but instead they call it Target.

On the way there I stopped at an intersection. In the madness of cars darting all around, my protected turn arrow turned green. The problem was that there were still idiots in the intersection. The ones who tried to make the light and failed. So I couldn’t go.

It was frustrating to see a green light and not be able to go, but I didn’t lose it or anything. No, I will save that up for some time during the holiday season. I am sure it won’t take too long for a situation to arise that will cause all of the cumulative frustration to build up and morph into anger, or even rage. After all, ’tis the season.

So anyway, the in the car behind me was an obviously blind person who was tired of waiting. He laid onto his horn as if there was something I could do about the intersection not being clear. I looked into my rear view mirror with the “oh no you didn’t look” and continued to wait for the idiots in the intersection to find some value in their worthless lives and move out of my way. After all, I live to please the driver behind me at the light.

Anyway, before the arrow dimmed, I did make it through the intersection. And the car behind me made it too. It was so worth it to cause an altercation over those 20 seconds that we were delayed. As I approached my turn, the driver behind me almost flipped his car swerving around me. If you’re in that big of a fucking hurry, you should leave home sooner. He made it away unscathed though, only because I had better things to do than chase him down and choke the life out of him.

I had to get to Hell. I mean Purgatory. Umm.. Target.

People are already getting insane about the holidays and I can already tell you that from now until well into the new year, I am going to have a lot to bitch about.

In the parking lot, another car decided to race me to a parking spot that came open. Word to the wise here: You can steal my parking spot, and I probably can’t stop you. However, once you enter the store you probably won’t be able to stop me from slashing your tires. The next time you find a new scratch running along the length of your car or a shopping cart “accidentally” slammed into it, think about what an asshole you were about that parking spot. Hope it was worth it!

The obvious disclaimer here: Not that I would do these things, but you know how some people are. I only fantasize about setting your car on fire, I wouldn’t actually do it. Honestly, I may be a bitch, but I’m not a vandal.

The customer service counter didn’t have a line, so I thought I was in luck. I go to the counter, and even in the absence of other disappointed customers I stood there and waited. And waited. And waited some more. I commented to Walter that it would be so fabulous to have nothing at all in the world to accomplish so that we could just be able to come to the Target counter every single day and wait for no apparent reason.

The customer service person was absent. Another customer came up to the counter while I was waiting and walked right up in front of me and slammed his curtain rods down on the counter. Then after a few seconds he realized that I might have been there first and asked if someone was helping me. Umm… no.. does it look like I’m getting any help here?

So this man, who was so irritating, became my hero. He started yelling. He did what I wished I had the balls to do, but I don’t because I’m female. He leaned over the counter and started questioning where the service was at the customer service counter.

From a far away distance we heard a voice, in a slightly irritated tone, say “Just a moment, Sir.”

So we exchanged glances and smirks and waited just a little while longer until an elderly lady with a tag that said “trainer” came up to the counter. She asked the man if she could please help him and he told her I was there first. Kudos to you Mr. Loud.

I got all squared away at the service counter and entered the actual store to pick up a couple of things. I had a coupon for a free package of coffee. While I was looking for the coffee, and realizing they didn’t have it, Walter announced that he needed to visit the restroom. Now.

Walter is 3. We don’t mess around when he says he needs to go. There is no time to piss around, no pun intended.

Having been in Target only a handful of times in my life I had no idea where the restrooms were located so I asked a person who seemed to be employed there. She said they were at the front of the store.

Great job Target. Put the only public restrooms AFTER the checkout. That way if there is an emergency, which this was quickly becoming, I will need to leave my cart somewhere in order to get the child to a toilet.

Well, we made it just in time. We took care of business and washed our hands, and went back out into the store to find our cart. What a great time for a Target employee to become efficient! I found someone who worked there, with the cart, taking the items I intended to purchase and putting them all back. Thanks! That made my day and saved me some money.

Buh-Bye Target.  So long and thanks for all the fish… umm.. I mean memories.